Child-Parent Relationship

I had a small talk before in one of my classes in college and I just saw it again in my tinkering moment with my computer. The talk was kind of special and memorable to me that’s why I kept the draft file in my computer. Why was it memorable? Well, I’m in a noisy class back then and the class just keeps on talking and doing some noise while the speakers do their talk. But that’s until I got to have my turn. I started my talk and after a while they were suddenly quiet and listening. After my turn, they applauded. For some reason they were nodding and even smiling. It was a moment actually. Well, here it is. This is just a draft but I think it’s quite concise. I hope I’ll be able to share something to you with this one. I hope I’ll be able to make you smile too. : )



Child to Parent Relationship

There are stages a person goes through in viewing and understanding his parents. A person doesn’t have the same way of thinking from the time he was born ‘til he becomes an adult. As he grows older, his way of thinking changes… his way of viewing his parents, changes.

Everybody has a different way of thinking and undergoes changes in different times in regard to how they see their parents. Let me share mine. I’m 19 years old now and I would say I had 5 stages. The first stage was when I was born ‘til I became 6. I see my mother and father in this stage as perfect parents. They give me food; they buy me toys; they work hard and so on. Things like which are all what I see from them. I can even recall the time when I said to my twin brother: “Ang perfect nila Mama and Papa noh?! ‘La silang mali. Alam nila lahat ng tama.” The second stage was in the ages 7-12. I still consider them as perfect parents but with some doubts and questions in my mind. Why aren’t they allowing me to go to the mall when my friends are allowed by their parents? Why are they always scolding me? The third stage was so different from the previous stages. In ages 13 to 17, my view on my parents dramatically had changed from perfect to so imperfect parents. I’ve learnt to compare my family with other family. I’ve learnt to reflect on what they have been doing to me since my childhood. I’ve learnt to have conviction or, should I say, pride on what I believe in. In learning these things, I began to feel some discontentment about my family and our relationship with each other. I began to see every little wrong thing my parent does. It was like the more things I learn in having a good family and being good parents, the more I feel that anger and sadness about my parents thinking that they’ve done very few things for me to consider them as good parents. The questions in my mind tripled. Why do they say they are right when I feel that they’re so wrong? Why can’t I hear anything from them but negative things about me? Why is each one of us not close to each other? Why do I feel alone in our house? My doubt on their way of disciplining me was very evident. I raised my voice at them. I tried everything with my friends. I was always out of the house. They are so wrong and that’s all I know. The fourth stage was when I was 18 years old. I didn’t know that I could see my parents so bad. This is the stage where I described our house as a dormitory where I only eat and sleep and my parents as ATM’s who just gave me money. I was always out of our house. I always sleep-over in the house of my friends and sometimes in my girlfriend’s place. It was like either I go home so late at night or not go home at all. I even had weeks that I didn’t get to see my parents. I only got to see them whenever I remind them of my allowance. I ignore them. This was the time I have experienced so many difficult problems. No one was backing me up. My anger grew even more. Why aren’t they supporting me? Aren’t they supposed to back me up even if I’m bad? Why do I feel so bad about them? Why can’t I see any closeness or any bond between the members of our family? Why do I feel so alone? If I have a family, then why is there no one who is with me now? The last stage was when I broke up with my ex-girlfriend about a month and a half ago until now. Losing someone I even thought of marrying makes me feel so hurt that I feel like I couldn’t take any more pain. That was when I tried to change my way of thinking. I changed my way of dealing on what my parents are doing be it good or bad. I still know how to tell my parents my side on things but with a considering mind that I can be wrong. I tried to think more of the good things my parents are doing than that of the bad things. If there’s a chance I feel like they’re again being unfair with me, I think and understand them. If they can’t change their bad attitude even if I have done things already for them to realize they’re wrong, then I will just understand them, but remembering the effect it had brought me and keeping in mind that I’ll not do this thing to my future children. They are still might not be perfect for me but now I appreciate them more. I’m more contented and even thankful for having them.

We all had different stages but there’s one thing that is common with us all. Each of us has a choice whether to go to a stage or not. If you want to tell yourself that your dad is such an asshole or your mom is such a bitch, it is your choice. If you’ll just keep on thinking that your family is so ruined and be sad, it is your choice. If you’ll just let yourself accept and understand those bad things within your family in the best way you could and focus more on the good things they have, you have a choice. It is just a matter of what you will put into your mind. It is just a matter of thinking what may happen if you will go through a stage. Isn’t it better if you just think more on the good things your experience has brought you or your parents have done than that of the bad things? Isn’t it better to just do good things? I think it is.